


" ... "

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-10-06 21:44:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17353160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: A boy tries to find his friends in a game.





	" ... "

**Author's Note:**

> yo yo yo this is my first ever real fanfic so. leave feedback if you so choose
> 
> peace

JOHN: nnf… 

Slowly, you clamble to your feet. Directly before you is none other than the dastardly Caliborn, who had recently been imbued with the dark majyyks of the Force of Od or whatever the fuck fuels a megalomaniac godbeing these days. 

CALIBORN: YOU’RE TOO LATE. TO STOP ME. 

JOHN: jeez, dude. supervillain much? 

Your terrible quips do nothing to hurt Caliborn. Why would you even think such weak disses would work? 

JOHN: y’know. i didn’t think this is how it would end. 

CALIBORN: HOW WHAT WOULD END. 

JOHN: this. my story. the game. whatever. 

JOHN: i always pictured a happy ending. 

JOHN: everyone at peace. 

JOHN: maybe i’d find love or something. 

CALIBORN: WOW. THAT IS PATHETIC. 

JOHN: what? 

CALIBORN: YOU WASTE YOUR TIME. PONDERING SUCH EVENTS. 

CALIBORN: THINK MORE LIKE ME. I WISH ONLY FOR POWER. AND WINNING. 

JOHN: i don’t wanna think like you! i’d much rather die by your hands than be a bad guy. 

CALIBORN: THEN I SUPPOSE THAT MAKES YOU. 

CALIBORN: A COWARD. 

Caliborn lifts his peg leg and shoves it directly into your ribcage. A glowing spark of pain fills your skull. This can't be happening. You had so much more to live for. Your dying thoughts are of your friends, people who you've been close to for ages now. 

Wait. A. Minute. 

You can’t just die here. 

That’s not how it’s supposed to go. 

This simply won’t do at all. 

I suppose I have to do everything myself, don’t I? 

A mysterious force (probably the person janking up my narrative styles) picks up your limp body and drags you away. You’re kind of really dead at this point, so you can’t tell. Just figured I should give your cadaver the heads-up on this new happening. 

There we go. Much better. You’re here where you belong. 

… 

Are you fucking dead? 

(Goddammit.) 

Where the fuck is a Life Player when you need one? 

John, I need you just to… 

… Not be dead right now. 

Can you do that for me? 

JOHN: ... 

Good enough. 

Now, without any further ado! 

With the star of my show in place, 

I welcome you to: 

The spectacular, 

The amazing, 

The fantastic, 

JOHN EGBERT DEATH OBSTACLE COURSE THINGY!!!! 

The force in this teal-texting person’s voice is enough to rattle you back to life! Hurrah! Unfortunately, they could not fix your multiple, agonizing, likely life-threatening injuries. Less hurrah.

JOHN: ow… 

You take one look around, Your vision is still hazy, but you know for certain that there isn’t a single visible object in sight. Your torso is in excruciating pain, and your glasses are cracked. 

JOHN: … 

JOHN: … where the fuck am i. 

GAMZEE: honk. 

JOHN: yarrgh!!! 

JOHN: jesus christ, gamzee. you gotta warn a dude before you sneak up on them like that! 

JOHN: especially since i only just woke up. from… being dead i guess. 

GAMZEE: honk. 

Oh, Gamzee. Who could ever stay mad at you. 

JOHN: so, uh… 

JOHN: do you have any idea where we are? 

GAMZEE: honk. 

JOHN: real helpful, man. 

You check your pockets for any communication devices. No luck. You check your windsock. Nope. You check Gamzee. Bingo! One PDA, courteously stored in your local clown. 

JOHN: ok gamzee, you stay put. can’t have you messing around here. 

GAMZEE: honk. :o) 

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] -- 

EB: rose, could you uh… 

EB: help me with something? 

TT: Sure thing. What do you need? 

EB: ok so, say you’ve just been whaled on real bad by a god-like foe. 

EB: and you die. 

TT: Mm-hmm. 

EB: and then you wake up. 

EB: but it’s in a weird place. and all that’s around is darkness and gamzee. 

TT: Hold up. 

TT: Gamzee? 

EB: yeah. clowny dude? says “honk” a lot? killed a bunch of our troll friends? 

TT: That’s Gamzee, all right. 

TT: I only inquire because, 

TT: Gamzee’s right here. 

TT: Like, literally no more than 10 feet from my current sitting location. 

You shoot a glance at your Gamzee. Looks no different from any other Gamzee you’ve seen. To be fair, you’ve only ever seen one Gamzee. And this one right here matches your memory, you suppose. 

EB: are you sure that’s gamzee? maybe it’s his ancestor or something. 

TT: Nope. I see Gamzee. Codpiece and all. 

EB: well, that is certainly worrying. 

EB: thanks, i guess. 

TT: Best of luck on whatever it is you’re trying to solve. 

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] -- 

ROSE: Ok. John is in deep shit. As per usual, it’s up to me to s-- 

VRISKA: Did I hear you say something a8out John 8eing in danger? 

ROSE: (Fucking hell.) 

> END OF CHAPTER ZERO.


End file.
